Mindfulness is a word that you hear thrown around a lot these days, but it's often misunderstood. It does everything from decreased depression to improve relationships, to make pain more manageable, but how? In an effort to begin to answer these questions I’m going to break down the steps I teach my clients in DBT groups. What is it? How is it helpful and how exactly do you use it in everyday life? The goal here is to make mindfulness understandable and user friendly because the truth is it’s extremely effective at decreasing suffering in all aspects of life. It’s also inexpensive and there are no negative side-effects. During a time when a common response to the questions “how’s it going?” is “it’s a total shit show” we all need something to help us feel better and suffer less. Let’s try mindfulness.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose to the present moment. To mindfully experience your internal world you notice thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. To mindfully experiencing the external world use your five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Notice without judgment and without criticism or pushing away.
How does mindfulness help?
1. Mindfulness changes the experience of pain, emotional as well as physical by teaching acceptance of uncomfortable sensations and stimulating the relaxation response.
2. Mindfulness gets you out of your head and into your life. So much suffering is caused by thoughts, judgments and interpretations playing on repeat without awareness. Mindfulness helps reduce repetitive thinking.
3. Mindfulness helps increase compassion for self and others.
What is mindfulness practice?
Mindfulness can be practiced many ways. Mindfulness can be practiced with meditation. You can sit and notice your breath or the sensations in your body. Mindfulness can be practiced in everyday life. You can eat mindfully, you can brush your teeth mindfully or wash the dishes mindfully. Mindfulness practice with movement. Yoga, martial arts, Tai Chi, dancing, taking a nature walk are all excellent mindfulness activities.
In DBT mindfulness is taught by first explaining the 3 states of mind:
Reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind.
1. Reasonable mind is the state of mind in which logic, facts and rulesare most important. Reasonable mind is important when making plans, doing taxes and enforcing laws. There are moments in life when emotions should not be part of the equation. Imagine a pediatric surgeon is operating on a 3-year-old. It’s important that to be completely in reasonable mind during the surgery rather than thinking about her own 3-year-old at home because if she was too overwrought or emotional, she might make a mistake. We need reasonable mind, but where does it get us into trouble? Reasonable mind doesn’t allow us to connect with each other. That same surgeon needs to be able to access her empathy and love when she’s back home with her child.
2. Emotion mind is the state of mind in which impulses, urges and moods are in charge. Emotion mind is important in an emergency. If a car is speeding toward us, we don’t stop to think, we act on our impulses and run. When does emotion mind gets us into trouble?At times anger can be so strong that we feel entitled to yell, punch or even in very extreme situations kill. For some, anxiety can be so severe that it leads us to withdraw and avoid others.
3. Wise mind is the synthesis of reasonable mind and emotion mind. It’s the state of mind in which you access your reason and emotions. It’s when your actions are in alliance with your goals and values. Wise mind is important when deciding what job to take, what person to marry or what college to attend. It’s also important to be in wise mind when having difficult conversations, negotiating rules or discussing consequences. Everyone has wise mind whether they know it or not. One way to identify it is to remember a time when you’ve acted on your impulses, yelled at your child, punched a wall or engaged in road rage. When you’re able to appreciate the consequences of your actions you are likely back in wise mind.
Mindfulness is a powerful practice. It allows you to step back and notice thoughts, emotions and sensations as they rise and fall. You start to notice your experiences shift. Emotions shift, thoughts shift, pain shifts. You don’t stay angry, anxious or sad. Everything that enters your consciousness also leaves your consciousness. Over time your mind and body start to realize that even though something is very uncomfortable it won’t last forever. That realization makes discomfort more manageable in the moment. The key is practice. Below are two exercises I use with clients:
PRACTICE IDEAS:
Connecting to Wise Mind
There's a number of different activities or exercises that help to connect you to wise mind. One of my favorites is closing your eyes and breathing and asking wise mind a question. This works when you’ve got a decision to make. Start your own business or take that job? Remain in a relationship or breakup? Stay or move? Whatever the question is, you can close your eyes, focus on your breath and imagine accessing the center of wise mind just sitting and calmly breathing. When you are relaxed and calm ask the question and allow the answer to come into your consciousness. You may have to do this exercise a few times, but I’ve found it to be an effective practice when there’s a question to be answered.
Notice yourself in the 3 States of mind
Another more basic practice is to notice yourself in different states of mind. Notice when you're in reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind.Think about how it feels and how do you behave in each state of mind.
If you connected with what you read here and you want to work with me, send me a message through my contact page.
An audio version of Demystifying Mindfulnessis also available in my podcast A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.