Pain, both physical and emotional, is part of life. At some point, everyone experiences it. As Longfellow wrote, “Into each life some rain must fall.” How you react when a painful situation occurs makes all the difference. You don’t have to stand out in the rain and get wet. You can use an umbrella or go inside. Similarly, there are things you can do to manage painful situations.
You can do something impulsive (yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, punching), but those behaviors are not likely to make you feel any better. In fact, impulsive behaviors often come with their own set of consequences that ultimately make the situation much worse.
But then, What can you do to get through a crisis without compounding the problem? In Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), a model of therapy created by Marsha Linehan, the tools to get through a crisis are called crisis survival skills. The goal of these skills is to get through a crisis without making the situation worse. They are intended for painful situations that you can’t immediately change.
I suggest creating a crisis survival kit, which is collection of items to have on hand to use when you’re in a crisis. The idea is to use the items in the kit to relieve the emotional stress enough so you can make the next right choice…rather than do something impulsive that would make the situation worse.
Keep in mind that when you are at the peak of emotional pain it is too late to intervene with one of these ideas. You need to start when you’re at a 6 or a 7 emotionally not a 10. Store the kit close at hand (in your bag, your car, your room, etc).
Get a box, bag or basket and assemble things that can help you get through a crisis. Think about triggering the 5 senses. My suggestions are not exhaustive. Add your own ideas. It’s important to practice using kit before you need it to figure out what works and what doesn’t.
Vision: Put together photos of people, places and things that make you smile. Create an album of photos on your smart phone or use hard copies. Add a fun magazine, a crossword puzzle, Sodoku, bubbles, old thank you cards or letters. Write a note to remind yourself that you can get through this. Keep paper and pen to draw or write about how you’re feeling.
Hearing: Write yourself a note with suggestions for hearing: listen to music (create play-lists that illicit pleasant emotions, bring back happy memories, make you want to dance, etc), call a friend or family member to vent or just hear a friendly voice, go outside and focus on the sounds you hear, listen to a podcast, a guided meditation, etc.
Smell: Find aroma therapy lotions, oils, or candles that trigger relaxation and/or happiness, use perfume that you love, write a note to remind yourself of other things you can do: go outside and breath the fresh air, make coffee, bake cookies, bread, etc.
Taste: Add in gum, mints, chocolates...anything you like, write a note to remind yourself of things you can do: eat a special meal, treat yourself to dessert, make a cup a tea, coffee or hot chocolate, eat a meal mindfully...focus on what you are eating and taste every bite
Touch: Put in a stress ball, Playdough, silly putty, fidget spinner, favorite stuffed animal, get into bed and pull-up the covers, use a weighted blanket, write a note to remind yourself of things you can do: splash cold water on your face, get a massage or facial, put on comfortable clothes, wear cozy slippers or socks, massage your neck, face and temples, take a hot shower, tense and relax each muscle group one at a time.
Again, I strongly recommend trying out the kit before you need it so you know the items you choose work for you. Also, you can combine the activities to make them more effective. Remember, the purpose of the crisis survival kit is not to solve the problem at hand. The purpose is relieving your pain enough to make the next good choice.
An audio version of this blog post can be found here, Creating A Crisis Survival Kit. To hear all of my podcast episodes go to A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.