Soothe a Meltdown in Minutes with a DBT Self-Soothing Kit

When teen emotions run high all of us (parents and kids) want to make it better. Our initial impulse is usually to make every attempt to fix the problem. But our frantic attempts to use our reasonable mind when we’re so out of control will only make the situation worse. We can’t problem solve our way out of an intense emotion.

What can you do instead? Reach for your self-soothing kit. Creating a self-soothing kit takes planning ahead, but it’s worth it to manage meltdowns. They may happen a lot or a little in your house, but they will happen.

Ask yourself, how does your teen or tween react when they lose something, when they’re disappointed (they don’t make the team or don’t get the part), when they have a conflict with a friend or a sibling, when they must do something, they don’t want to do. If they are like my kids sometimes it’s not pretty. During these moments you may feel like yelling at them, helping them problem solve, or making light of the problem, but these strategies don’t work. Creating a self-soothing kit is like investing a little insurance to make sure you can get through the situation without making the situation worse. 

A self-soothing kit is a collection of items to have on hand to use when the meltdown hits. The idea is to use the items in the kit to bring down the level of emotional pain so you can make the next right choice (solve the problem, accept the problem, rethink the problem, etc.)

I’ve created a free PDF with instructions for making your own self-soothing kit. Use the form below to download:

Soothe a meltdown in minutes!

Sign up for my free, self-soothing kit. With this guide, you can help your teen or tween navigate any meltdown quickly and effectively.

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It might be fun to work with your tween or teen to tailor the items to them. Find a box, bag or basket and assemble things that can help you get through a difficult moment. Think about triggering the 5 senses. Stimulating the senses can shift the focus from the emotion and reduce its intensity. My suggestions are not exhaustive. Add your own ideas. It’s important to practice using kit before the meltdown hits to figure out what works and what doesn’t. 

Again, I strongly recommend creating a self-soothing kit for everyone in the family. Do it together and a make a fun project out of it. Trying out the kit with mild annoyances before you need it for big meltdowns. Also, you can combine the activities to make them more effective. Remember, the purpose of the crisis survival kit is not to solve the problem at hand. The purpose is to reduce emotional suffering for your teen (and yourself). 

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the The DBT Self-Soothing Kit is available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

DBT Problem Solving Skills

With a teen mental health crisis raging many parents are at a loss as to how to support their kids and ease the tension at home. In the next several episodes I’ll share the DBT skills I teach my clients and use with my own kids. My goal is to help you empathize and connect with your teen, so everyone suffers less. In today’s episode I’m talking about problem solving options

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been struggling lately. Seasonal depression has hit me hard and the things that typically work have been less effective. I know I’m not alone. I’ve heard the same thing from several of my clients.

Yesterday one of my clients told me he’d had a really bad day. He’d gotten bad news. He was waitlisted at his dream college. He’d been told by everyone that admission was as much as guaranteed. For months he’d been counting on getting in and he couldn’t picture himself anywhere else. He was understandably devastated. When he found out last night started having self-destructive urges again and they were so powerful he almost acted on them. It had been so long since he had such intense urges. He’d be working so hard in therapy, and he thought all that was behind him. He was feeling like a failure. Like he just wanted to give up. Totally understandable. It can be scary when you’re taken off guard by a setback. In this case, the client was having an understandable reaction to a really upsetting situation. But, for him it felt so much like past moments of struggle that he felt like he had returned to square one. Like all the work he’d been doing was for nothing. And that feeling made him feel like giving up and giving in to old urges.

I asked, “Did you act on your urges?” “No, but the intensity of my emotion was so strong, and I felt like I couldn’t handle it.” “What did you end up doing?” “I watched some tv to distract myself then I went to bed.” How are you feeling now? A little better, but still not great.” “And you didn’t act on your urges?” “No.”

“This is a huge win.” “What do you mean? I feel like crap.” “I know and that stinks, AND you didn’t do anything to make the situation worse. Think about the last time you acted on your urges. It was when you and Jessica broke up. You got drunk, cut your legs, and ended up in a hospital.” “Yeah, that really sucked. I had to give up the lead in the musical and missed the tryouts for all-county band.” “Right, acting on your urges didn’t fix the original problem and it created a lot of other problems for you.” “But I still feel lousy?” “I know. I wish I could take away your pain in the moment. I really do. I know how important getting into that college is.”

When we encounter problems in life, we have choices about how to respond.

1.     You can solve the problem: In this case, your problem is a wait and see situation that can be easily solved.

2.     You can change how you feel about the problem: Last night you weren’t able to take a step back and regulate your emotions. The intensity was such that it was difficult to think reasonably last night.

3.     You can tolerate the problem: Use skills to distract yourself so you don’t act on your self-destructive urges. This was what you did. By watching TV and going to bed you tolerated the problem.

4.     Stay miserable or make the situation worse: You feel a bit better and most importantly you did end up back in the hospital or worse.

Sometimes being skillful does not result in feeling better. Sometimes our skills just help us tolerate pain. You got through a painful moment without doing something you’d regret. That’s a huge win.

Working hard in therapy doesn’t guarantee a pain free life. However, it really helps all of us get through difficult moments. Whether it’s a disappointment or a seasonal increase in depression. Doing the work makes any problem more manageable.

When you’re ready we can take about feeling better about the problem. Checking the facts and figuring out what you might be telling yourself that is not based in fact. But here’s what I know. I good friend of mine is a high school English teacher. Every year he has students who don’t get into their dream schools, and they catastrophize that their lives are ruined as a result. Inevitably they come back a year later after being in what every college they go to, and they tell him how happy they are. This rejection is not the end of the world. Its understandably painful. And it won’t destroy you.

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the DBT Problem Solving Skills available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

Empathize with Your Teen with the DBT Validation Skill

With a teen mental health crisis raging many parents are at a loss as to how to support their kids and ease the tension at home. In the next several post, I’ll share the DBT skills I teach my clients and use with my own kids. My goal is to help you empathize and connect with your teen, so everyone suffers less. This post is addresses validation, the foundation of every successful relationship. This DBT skill teaches that everyone’s (parents and teens) emotional experience is understandable.

The other day my teen came downstairs in a panic about 5 minutes before he needed to leave for school. His hair was not doing what he wanted. He was freaking out that he couldn’t go to school looking like he did. Of course, I looked at him and thought he's gorgeous. He's beautiful. What's the problem? I have no idea. I want to say your fine or get a hat, but I know in that moment his mind is being ruled by his emotions. He's in emotion mind. He’s not able to problem solve and telling him to get a hat will be like adding gas to his emotional fire.

Instead, I tried to put myself in his shoes. My mind went back to my own high school years…way back in the eighties. As many of you fellow big bang wearers can attest if the humidity level wasn't correct, and all the stars weren't aligned, my bangs would not do what I wanted them to do. And bad bangs aren’t pretty (I’m not sure good bangs are pretty, but it was the 80s and we did what we did.) When my bangs didn’t cooperate, I remember feeling angry, frustrated and panicked. How could I do to school looking like this? It's not a logical feeling and it's not something you can talk somebody out of or problem-solve around. So, what can you do? Validation.

Validation lets the other person know that their personal experiences (thoughts, actions, emotions) are understandable. One of the biggest mistakes I see well intentioned parents making is not validating their kids. We parent with our perspective in mind, not our kid’s perspective. We lead with making light of their feeling “that’s ridiculous. You’re making a big deal of nothing.” Or we lead with problem solving. “You don’t have to freak out this problem is totally fixable.” Or we lead with punishment, “If you don’t pull it together, you’re going to be grounded.” And that just doesn't work.

We want to send our kids the message that what they’re feeling is understandable given their experience in this moment. Even if you think it's ridiculous, don't tell your kids that they're being ridiculous. Because then they just think, you’re not hearing them, you don't get it. Never has a kid said “Oh, I’m being ridiculous? Thank you for letting me know that mother. I’ll stop freaking out about my hair and grab a hat.” That will never happen. No. When you tell them they are being ridiculous that will make the situation worse. They will think something like “I feel really upset and now I’m pissed at you because you don't get me.” It's not helpful.

And remember that everything that I tell you is because I want to help reduce your suffering and your kids' suffering.

Many parents will tell me they are afraid to validate because they don’t want their kids to think they agree with their behavior. Validate the valid not the invalid. Everyone’s emotional experience is valid. It may not be effective but it’s valid. Telling someone not to feel what they feel is like telling them to go out in the rain and not get wet. When your teen is stressed because they have a project due tomorrow that they haven’t started on validate the feeling. “I get it that sounds really stressful.” Don’t validate the procrastination.

Why be validating?

1.     It’s good for the relationship. This is your child, you love them, you will know this person for the rest of your life, and you may need them to take care of you at some point (ha ha).

2.     It’s effective. Validation allows you to let the air out of the emotional tires. It moves the situation from “I’m right and your wrong” to “I see why you feel that way given the circumstances.”

3.     It’s kind. Invalidation is painful. Telling someone they are overreacting, manipulative, ridiculous or wrong is hurtful.

Tips on validating:

1.     Listen: put down your phone, make eye contact and pay attention to what is being said.

2.     Validate with facial expressions, body language and tone of voice: don’t smirk, laugh, moan, groan, roll your eyes, walk away, cross your arms Infront of your chest or appear inpatient or uncaring.

3.     Reflect what you observe: “I see you’re really upset.”

4.     Communicate understanding: Let them know you see where they are coming from. “It’s no wonder you’re angry given the situation.” “I get why that feels scary to you.”

5.     Find the valid even when you don’t agree with the behavior: “I understand why you missed curfew to hang out with your friends. You didn’t want to miss out. And it really worries me when you don’t come home on time, and I can’t contact you.” Please be home by curfew.

Remember to also validate yourself. Your emotions and experience are understandable, too. Parenting teens is hard. You don’t have to strive for perfection, but just do your best, forgive your mistakes when they happen and meet yourself with the same grace and understanding you give your child.

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the The DBT Validation Skill is available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

Change Your Perspective with the DBT THINK Skill

With a teen mental health crisis raging many parents are at a loss as to how to support their kids and ease the tension at home. In the next several episodes, I’ll share the DBT skills I teach my clients and use with my own kids. My goal is to help you empathize and connect with your teen, so everyone suffers less. In today’s episode, I’ll teach the DBT Think skill, created by Adolescent DBT experts, Alec Miller, and Jill Rathus. This skill helps you rethink your initial negative assumptions about your teen’s behavior.

Interpersonal effectiveness - THINK skills

As humans, we tend to fill in the gaps when we don’t have all the information. And if we're angry, anxious, frustrated, we're not jumping to positive conclusions. we're not filling in the gaps with rainbows and butterflies. We're filling in the gaps with, “They did that on purpose.” “They don't appreciate anything I do for them.” “They are always so disrespectful.” The problem is this line of thinking is not helpful and it’s not true (and even if it was, we wouldn’t know because we can read other people’s minds). These are all negative assumptions, interpretations and conclusions that make us feel worse and don’t help us connect or solve problems. The “THINK” skills were created to help you take a step back from that negative line of thinking to figure out what else could be true. The think skills help us reduce the power struggle that often develops between parents and teens.

Here's a typical example. You ask your teen to take out the garbage, clean their room, empty the dishwasher or the like and a few hours later you see that it hasn’t been done. What goes through your mind?

I’m guessing something along the lines of: they don’t listen, they don’t have any respect, they won’t be able to live on their own, and on and on. Now you’re really upset. When this happens to me, my mom impulse is to shout at them. But the therapist in me knows that while that might feel good and it might even get them to do what I want in the very short term, but I’m teaching them the way to get your needs met is by shouting and shaming people. That’s not my goal. So, what can you do instead? Practice the THINK SKILL.

How do you do it? As is true with many DBT Skills THINK is an acronym to help make the steps memorable.

THE “T” IS THINK DIFFERENTLY:

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What is their motivation? Were they really trying to do something mean to you on purpose? “My guess is your kid was not trying to upset you.”

THE “H” IS HAVE EMPATHY:

Are they emotionally vulnerable? Are they stressed out about something, worried about something? What's going on with them? Or do they even understand where you're coming from? And maybe you need to clarify. “Have you ever forgotten to do something?

THE “I” IS INTERPRETATION:

What are other interpretations of the persons actions? Make a list of as many as you can think of. Make sure to include one positive or at least neutral interpretation.

they just forgot, they saw something shiny, they got a call, text, or snap, the intended to do it later, they think taking out the garbage is a waste of time and should never be done

The “N” IS Notice:  Notice other times your teen has been helpful or considerate. Maybe you don’t feel the person is on your side, but when have they shown you compassion or been sensitive to your needs in the past.  Maybe they are under stress, tired, hungry, or otherwise emotionally vulnerable.

Remember all those times they babysit their siblings for free even when they have other things they’d rather do

The "K" is Kindness:

Look on the person with kindness. Remember moments they have been kind and caring to you. Can you offer them the same kindness?

Remember that time they told you how proud they were to have a mom who helps people or a dad who is so talented. Or in those fleeting moments when they said you were “cool.”

Those are the moments that count. That’s what they really think. Now proceed with them with those things in mind rather than shouting say: I noticed you didn’t take the garbage out; I’d really appreciate it if you could do it.

The think skills also works well when you find yourself at opposite ends of a more serious conflicts. Remember were not just raising teens were cultivating relationships with people we will know and love forever. We may need these people to take care of us someday.

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the The DBT THINK Skill is available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

Stop Parent/Teen Arguments with the DBT Stop Skill

The other day I got into a disagreement with my son. He’s a teenager and this is not an uncommon situation. He wanted to go out with friend, and he needed to finish homework. The situation escalated quickly. He started yelling at me and telling me I’m a terrible mother. Then he ran upstairs and slammed his bedroom door. This of course made me angry. How dare he say I’m a bad mother? I’m constantly making sacrifices for him. Who does he think he is? As a mom, my impulse was to run upstairs behind him, bang on his door and demand that he come out and apologize. As a therapist, I know that would likely have make the situation worse. So, what could I do instead of acting on my emotions, the stop skill.

The DBT Stop Skill is the answer will stop an argument in it’s tracks.

We’ve all been in that situation at one time or another. Emotion mind takes over creating the intense urge to act impulsively. When that happens, the last thing we should do is have a conversation, problem solve or confront someone. When emotions are high, we must get back to an even keel or risk making the situation worse. When my son ran upstairs I practiced the STOP Skill.

STOP is another DBT Acronym that stands for:

• Stop

• Take a Step back

• Observe

• Proceed mindfully

§  STOP

• Don’t React, just freeze

• Stay in control, if you notice yourself starting to get angry or out of control take a pause. It’s much more effective to pause and consider your next move than to act on your emotions. It might seem weird or uncomfortable to pause, but it’s much worse to act on your emotions.

§  Take A Step Back

• Physically or in your mind

• Give yourself time to calm down and think

• Take a deep breath

• Don’t be controlled by emotion, while your emotion is valid and understandable, acting on your emotion will likely make the situation worse.

•  You are not your emotion, emotions are powerful, especially anger which motivates use to act, but we don’t have to follow that action urge.

• After you take a step back you might have to use some crisis survival skills, paced breathing, intense exercise, etc. to get back to an even keel. Do whatever you have to do to keep from acting on your emotions and doing something you’ll regret.

§  Observe

• Notice what is going on in your mind and body

• Remind yourself of your goal in the situation? So often our goal gets lost in the shuffle when things get emotionally intense. Anger makes us feel like we must prove our point or win the argument. But there is not prize for winning this argument.

• Mindfully gather the relevant facts

• What are others doing or saying? Are they upset? You don’t want to continue the conversation until all parties are ready.

• What are your options? Continue the conversation in a calmer state of mind, table to conversation for another day, write an email if the conversation is too emotionally charged to do in person.

§  Proceed mindfully

• ONLY WHEN YOU AND THE OTHERS IN THE CONVERSATION ARE READY, return the situation when you can act calmly with your goals and values in mind. This may take minutes or it may take hours or days.

• Being mindful is the opposite of acting on your emotions

In the above scenario, I had to wait hours for both me and my son to be ready to talk. During that time, I exercised, vented to a friend and distracted myself with a favorite NETFLIX show. When he was ready, he came down and apologized for his outburst and what he said. As many of us do he said things he didn’t mean when he was very angry. I often liken these teen outbursts to toddler tantrum with better vocabulary. They aren’t personal, but they feel personal and very painful.

Then he told me he was stressed about some things at school, and he was sorry to have taken out his stress on me. His father and I were able to validate his perspective and discuss a way for him to get his work done and see his friends. The bottom line is if we’d continued the initial conversation, it would have taken a lot longer to get to the solution, and we all would have said things we regretted. The STOP Skill isn’t easy. In fact, it might serve you to practice the skill when the stakes are low, and you’re just a little upset. And as with everything the more you practice the easier it will become.

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the The STOP Skill is available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

Accessing Wise Mind

Several years ago, I was at a career crossroads. I left a job as a social worker at an inpatient psychiatric hospital, and I wasn’t sure what to do next. A meeting with a career coach reminded me of my interest in history and research and he knew of a part-time job with an archivist, and I applied. It seemed like a good fit on paper (reasonable mind). I mean I studied theater history in college, I did in depth dramaturgical research (one of the first at my school to do so in what is now a thriving program). I couldn’t even remember why I didn’t pursue that after college. They invited me in for an interview and I thought this must be right. They seemed to think I’m a good fit, so I’ll give it a try. 

Thinking back, I can still remember the feeling of trying to wedge myself into a situation that seemed right on paper (reasonable mind), but certainly didn’t feel right. When I went for the interview, I felt this vague sense of dread (wise mind trying to be heard) at the idea of taking the job and going to that office day in and day out. They must have picked up on my ambivalence because I didn’t get the offer. 

Next, I thought about the year I spent working in the casting office at Playwrights Horizons. It was such a fun job, and I was good at it. I loved having a connection house seats at every Broadway show, getting my name in a real playbill, calling in my classmates from the University of Oklahoma’s drama department to audition and meeting the people I had read about in my college theater classes. It would be so exciting to cast theater productions, movies, and television show.  Why had a given that up all those years ago? Oh, right I had a difficult boss who could have given Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada a run for her money, but not everyone is like that, and it would be such a cool job. (Emotion mind)

What I forgot was the producers who screamed at me for things that weren’t my fault, directors who wanted their every whim treated like life and death and having to watch actors hopes dashed when they learned they didn’t get the part. Plus, it had been 10 years since I worked in theater, and I have not maintained my connections. I would have to start again, maybe even as an unpaid intern. 

I remember saying to people about my decision to go to social work school after leaving the theater, “If I’m going to work with crazy people, I should know what I’m doing.”

Plus, I now had a young son making staying late for opening night parties and such much harder. (the facts that emotion mind ignores).

Then one night, I was sitting on the porch with my husband talking about this for the hundredth time and he said, “Why don’t you start your private practice.” When he said it, I knew it was exactly what I needed to do. (Wise mind) 

This story illustrates my shift between what DBT calls the three states of mind. Reasonable Mind, Emotion Mind and Wise Mind). Reasonable mind is when you are thinking and behaving only from reason, seeing the just the facts and excluding values and emotions. The archivist job looked like a good fit on paper. Reasonable mind decisions are logical and pragmatic…they are the know it all of decisions. They are the choices your parents want you to make, but they don’t necessarily make your heart sing because they ignore feelings. I could have done the archivist job, it was good money, good benefits, good hours, but I would have been bored to tears.

Emotion mind is when you’re thinking and behaving emotionally, treating feelings as facts about the world and letting your emotions rule your behavior. Emotion mind decisions disregards reason and pragmatics. They are pressured and desperate, you feel as if you must do it now or your life will be over. Omg, casting would be so cool. All my friends in Oklahoma will know I’ve made it because they’ll see my name in the credits of a tv show or in a playbill. 

When I thought about a return to casting, I focused on the excitement and prestige of the job without considering the facts. Necessarily 

Wise mind is when you are thinking and behaving wisely. Seeing things as they are. Wise mind is in alignment with values and goals where you can access both reason and emotion. When I decided to start my private therapy practice it felt right and made sense and the idea of starting my own business from scratch was terrifying. Just because it was the wise choice doesn’t mean it was the easy choice. When you make one wise mind decision you often have a series of other challenges to face as a result. I have now been in private practice for over 15 years, rolling with the ups and downs of parenting (we’ve added two more sons to our family), relocation, the great recession, and a global pandemic, through all of these challenges I’ve never wavered in the wisdom of starting my private practice. Being a therapist is my calling and my joy, but I could have easy missed it. The fear that came when my husband suggested private practice was powerful. If I had allowed myself to be distracted by it who knows where I’d be.

Emotion mind and reasonable mind are loud pushy and opinionated, so you have to work to hear the whisper of wise mind. You have to quiet your mind and listen. When my husband suggested private practice, it was a cliché lightbulb moment. I knew it was right even though I was subsequently filled with fear. The right path can be scary. But it’s important not to let fear obscure your path because letting fear lead is an emotion mind choice. If you’re scared figure out if what you’re afraid of is really dangerous. If it’s not lean into the fear.  Solve the problems as they come and do the things that feel scary. Again, and again. Doing this sends the message to your mind and body that the thing you fear is not actually a threat.

Accessing wise mind is not only useful for big life decisions like in my example. It is also useful when making everyday decisions like whether to stay out late on a school or work night to attend a friend’s party or should you buy that cute sweater or save the money for a rainy day. To access wise mind

 If you are someone who feels they often make impulsive emotional decisions it can be difficult to slow down and allow yourself to access wise mind. Some people can become frustrated feeling that they don’t have a wise mind. It’s important to remember that all humans you have wise mind, and your just need to learn to access it. In the next blog post, I will offer a guided meditation that can help learn to access wise mind.

If you connected with what you read here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. An audio version of the Accessing Wise Mind is available on my podcast, A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice.

IMPROVE YOU LIFE WITH DBT: RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

Today I've been thinking about the concept of Radical Acceptance mostly because I'm having a difficult time with it right now.  I have a medical condition that causes a great deal of pain, has no known cause, and treatment options that don't work well.  So my doctor can neither help me prevent the symptoms or effectively treat the pain.  Now I realize that many people are dealing with far worse situations.  This is not a life-threatening  problem or even a major life changing problem, but its really uncomfortable and unlikely to end.  

So I have two choices.  I can get really upset and wallow in the pain, tell myself that it's unfair, why did this have to happen to me, etc.  Or I can figure out a way to accept it.  This has been going on for months, and for months I've been going with plan A.  I've been whining, complaining, getting worked-up and spending hours on-line trying to find a website or a blogger or someone who can tell the opposite of what my doctors have said over and over again.  There is no known way to prevent or treat this condition.  Plan A is not working.  It's only making my feel worse when I'm trying to find a way to feel better.

USING RADICAL ACCEPTANCE TO EASE PAIN

Moving on to Plan B, Radical Acceptance.  Radical Acceptance  occurs when we accept what we cannot change without fighting it, without judging it and without trying to control the experience.  Keep in mind that accepting a situation is much different than approving of it.  You do not have to like something to radically accept it.  In addition, radical acceptance does not mean accepting everything without questions.  It means accepting what cannot be changed, and being open to making the changes that are possible and necessary.

Usually, when we perceive pain, whether physical or emotional, we tense up our muscles turning them into an armor against the enemy pain. Next, our minds start to spin wondering why this pain is happening and how can I stop it...now.  These instinctive actions were necessary when we where hunters and gatherers and the enemy was a wild animal bent on killing.  Our world has evolved past that threat, but our minds and bodies have not.  The problem is when we tense-up and try to think our way out of pain, the pain doesn't go away it intensifies.

PRACTICING RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

When we radically accept pain, we open ourselves up to the experience.  We relax our bodies, slow our breathing and experience each moment as it unfolds.  We stop trying to figure out what we did wrong to bring on the pain.  Instead, we tell ourselves it won't last forever, and it won't destroy us.

We all have to accept pain at some point in our lives.  Whether you are waiting for an OTC medication to kick in to quell a migraine or you are fuming with anger after an argument or you have a chronic condition that you must tolerate on a daily basis practicing radical acceptance can help.  I am not suggesting that it is a miracle cure, but it will decrease your suffering.

Start today.  What do you need to radically accept?

Facts About Adolescent Suicide

“A child born today will live to be about 80 years old, on average. But the challenge is getting them through 16, 17, 18, 19 – the most hazardous time of their lives. A kid with a car, a kid with a gun, a kid with a bottle – any one of these combinations is much more of a risk than a terror attack or a flu from [overseas].”Timothy Egan, NY Times, 6/09/14 OpEd, P. A15

FACTS ABOUT ADOLESCENT SUICIDE Annually: - 19% of high school students seriously consider suicide (1 in 5). - 8.8% attempt suicide. This adds up to 1 million teens, of whom 700,000 require medical attention. - Up to 11% of teen suicide attempters will eventually die by suicide. (Diekstra, 1989; Shaffer et at., 1988) - In a typical US high school classroom, two girls and one boy will make a suicide attempt this year. - Between 31-50% of all adolescent suicide attempters re-attempts suicide (Shaffer & Piacentini, 1994) - 27% (males) and 21% (females) of adolescent suicide attempters re-attempt within 3 months of their first attempt (Lewinsohn et al., 1996). - The risk of suicide increases significantly as an adolescent accumulates more problem behaviors (violent behavior, substance use/abuse, self-injury, risky sex, etc.)

WHAT IS THE ANSWER? Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is designed to treat patients who are struggling with multiple problem behaviors that make them at high risk for suicide.

In initial studies DBT with Adolescents is more effective than treatment as usual at the following: - Decreasing inpatient hospitalizations - Increasing treatment retention (many teens drop out in the early stages of most other treatment programs). - Reducing suicidal ideation, depression, anger, anxiety and emotional sensitivity - Reducing symptoms common in a borderline personality disorder (confusion about self, interpersonal chaos, emotional dysregulation, impulsivity). Rathus & Miller, 2002